INTIMACY WITHOUT SEX

Unless otherwise stated, all scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.

Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

2 Samuel 1:26

“ I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.” (KJV).

In 1 Thessalonians 4, the apostle revealed the will of God to the believers. He told them the purpose of God for them was to be sanctified. That is, to abstain from every form of immorality, be it spiritual or physical. They were not to defile themselves with any idol or have fellowship with demons. They were also not to be involved in sexual immorality or lust after each other. But they were to be fully consecrated unto God. And in verse 4, he said, 

“That each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.”

Man’s vessel is his soul, comprising his will, emotions and mind. This vessel should be sanctified, that is, given to express God and His intentions alone. It should also be owned in honour, that is, kept morally upright. However, the possibility of the latter is dependent on the former. For the soul cannot be kept morally upright if it is not sanctified for God’s expression alone. Separated from God and left on its own, the soul will express itself carnally and quickly run into corruption. Even Adam in the beginning could not keep his innocence because he was drawn away from God and got enticed with sin. Also, when men were later left to themselves by God to see if they could restore themselves after the fall, they instead ran headlong into utter depravity. Then the Lord said in Genesis 6:3, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, because he also is flesh.” Man had completely degenerated to flesh. 

Therefore, to keep the soul upright, it must be consecrated unto God for His glory and expression. The mind should be cleansed and renewed by the word of God. The emotions should be refined to only express God’s feelings. Then the will should be sacrificed for God’s will. By this, the soul will be virtuous. 

Now, the apostle, immediately after this exhortation, says in verse 9, 

“But as touching BROTHERLY LOVE ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.” (Emphasis added, KJV).

Brotherly love is the love of God that finds expression among the people whom God has called out of different places and are gathered together in the Name of Jesus. This love is different and stronger than that which is found among ordinary friends or among family members. It is the love of God. And since God is love, it is the expression of God Himself, specifically in an affectionate manner, through the believers towards themselves. It is by the expression of this special love among the believers that they are known to be followers of Jesus. Jesus Christ says in John 13:35, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

So before talking about this affectionate feeling, the apostle first laid a foundation that the believers should shun fornication. Knowing fully well that the enemy, the devil, will want to corrupt the love of God among them. Consequently, instead of possessing their vessel in sanctification and honour, they will have it in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God. (1 Thessalonians 4:5). 

Meanwhile, one of the reasons the Lord lets His love to flow through the believers is that they might be united. So that by being united the world may believe in Him. (John 17:21). However, the devil’s plan is to frustrate this purpose. He therefore tries to corrupt the true love of God among the believers so he can eventually bring disunity among them. If he becomes successful, the world, instead of believing in Jesus Christ, will blaspheme the Name of God because of the believers. 

But in Philippians 4:1, we see how apostle Paul was expressing his love for the saints at Philippi. He said, 

“Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.”

There was a deep love among the saints, the relationship that existed between them was stronger than the one that exists even among blood relations. We also see Jesus Christ demonstrating this love while on the cross about to die to leave the earth. He did not hand over His mother to His siblings. He handed her over to one of His disciples because the disciple was closer to Him than His siblings. John 19:26-27 says, 

“When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.”

Mary, the mother of Jesus, did not return home but immediately joined herself to the disciple. And in Acts 1:14 we see her continuing with the disciples as they devoted themselves to prayer. 

Believers should learn how to be intimately one with one another by the love of God while they still keep their souls clean, sanctified and morally upright. Such was the love that existed between David and Jonathan. It surpassed the love that a man has for a woman. It was the pure love of God. If such love exists among believers, they will be intimately one without any lustful passion.  And if it is established, when believers enter into courtship, they will also be able to keep themselves pure while they still display affection towards one another. Then after they are joined, “the marriage will be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed will be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).