A sincere plea for forgiveness has the ability to prevent the fires of anger from raging on. An apology can have the effect of quenching a spark thereby preventing it from growing into a flame.
It is without doubt that in the course of our dealings with people, we would step on many toes either deliberately or by mistake. Feelings would be hurt, annoyances would arise. While we can’t avoid offending people altogether, the next best thing that we can do is to apologize and seek for forgiveness especially when we are at fault.
Apologizing isn’t as easy as it may seem at first. I have observed that many people find it very difficult to come outright to say “I am sorry”. One of the major reasons is the misconception that apologizing makes you a lesser person. That you’re apologizing doesn’t make the other person better than you rather, it in fact proves that you are mature and able to accept your wrongs and make amends. Secondly, it also shows that you respect people and value your relationships with them.
Another reason why people find it difficult to apologize is pride. A proud person naturally finds a lot of things “demeaning” or “beneath” them. A proud person, even after realising that they are in the wrong, would deliberately refuse to own up to their mistakes thereby making them very difficult people to relate with. This is one of the reasons why people dislike dealing with proud people.
Yet another reason why people find it difficult to apologize is the fact that they are yet to make it a habit. If you are in the habit of apologizing immediately you are in the wrong, it becomes easier over time. Subsequently, you will find yourself doing it without hesitation. On the other hand, the more you refuse to apologize when you are wrong, the more difficult it becomes for you. An easy tip to follow is to apologize immediately. The longer you delay, the more reasons you will try to find not to apologize.
An interesting thing to note is that you don’t apologize only when you are wrong. Situations may arise where neither you nor the other person is wrong, or it is difficult to determine at the time, who is at fault. Now, rather than wasting valuable time trying to find faults, you would find that it is necessary to be the bigger person and apologize to calm the waters so that progress can be made. If there is still some sort of dissatisfaction or confusion, the issue can be revisited. The difference is that because you apologized already, you both will be more level headed and able to approach the matter with clear and objective reasoning.
Consider having the opportunity of choosing whom you want to work with on a certain project. The first option is a certain Mr. Ade who is qualified of course but then believes he is always right and would rather argue for hours on end trying to justify his position. And you find yourself constantly swallowing your displeasure, having to always bend to his will and allow his mistakes just so you can be done with the project as quickly as possible to avoid further interactions with him. The second option you have is a certain Mr. Jimoh, qualified for the job, quick to avoid conflict, quick to apologize just so that things would go smoothly. Who would you go for? The obvious preference would be Mr. Jimoh. Not only would you gladly work with him, you would go a step further to recommend him to others within your sphere of influence who will in turn recommend him to other people in their various spheres of influence.
Mr. Ade, though having good qualifications as well, will most likely find more people avoiding him. At this point, his qualifications alone are not good enough to endear him to people. His inability to own up to mistakes and blatant refusal to apologize is a large “BUT” that is difficult to ignore.
And so the act of apologizing eases your relationship with people. It acts as an oil to reduce friction that is bound to occur when dealing with people. In addition, it opens unexpected doors for you because people would speak for or against you based on their experiences with you. If they had a good experience with you, they would speak on your behalf even in your absence and in places you never dreamed of.
Apologizing also improves your relationships. Certain times, you may get off on the wrong foot with someone for some reason. However, if you are quick to apologize when you are wrong, most at times, the person thaws towards you without even consciously deciding to. That is another powerful effect of apologizing.
Apologizing causes the aggrieved party to take a pause. Mr. A offends Mr. B. Mr. B gets infuriated, begins to complain, yell and say all manner of things but before he can go further, Mr. A quickly says, “I am very sorry, please forgive me”. Imagine Mr. B's reaction. I bet you that he will reason out that yes he has the right to be angry, what Mr. A did was wrong BUT Mr. A has apologized. And since he has apologized, all the yelling begins to seem a bit pointless to Mr. B and in the course of his thought process, Mr. B begins to lose steam. And what may have easily turned into a full blown conflict is quickly doused. Mr. B becomes more willing to listen to Mr. A's explanation as to why and or how the error was committed and may most likely become involved in figuring out how it can be corrected.
“I am very sorry, please forgive me” is a key that can open a lot of highly lucrative doors. In your daily living, kindly remember to apologize. It takes nothing from you, it doesn’t make you inferior. You have a lot of benefits to accrue from a habit of apologizing and nothing at all to lose.
This article is written to teach optimization of human functioning.
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