One of the greatest ability that God has given to man is the ability to relate with his own kind. Though this ability isn't an exclusive reserve of mankind as animals also relate with their own kind, but that of human is usually more organize. By relationship here I mean "the way in which two people or two groups feel about each other and behave towards each other" (Longman Dictionary). But basically in this short piece I am referring to a relationship between a young man and a young woman(lady) working together toward getting married. Or a strong feelings, sense of care and concern that exist between an unmarried opposite sex.
Relationship with the opposite sex is one of the most amazing relationship among all other forms of relationship among humans. God has naturally implant something in the inside of virtually every human being with the innate desire to relate with the opposite sex. This is even irrespective of whether they are on a journey to getting married or not. It is just natural for instance, for a lecturer in a university to prefer talking to his female rather than male students even without any string attach. This innate desire begin right from the teenage stage. This natural craving is what use to lead to what is called 'boy friend/girl' friend relationship right from primary or secondary school. While this desire is innate it's important to note that, the desire in it own self isn't anything bad because God consciously created us with such desire. Just as I pointed out in chapter one of my book "TEN ESSENTIALS FOR RISING TO THE TOP" that, human beings are creatures of desires. However, this innate desire must be carefully control in such a way as not to lead to self destruction.
I have carefully noticed right from my senior secondary school days, that this kind of relationship I am referring to in this article is responsible for so many bright individuals full of amazing potentials not reaching to their dreams in life. This is largely because both the teenagers and even the matured young people seems to be carried away by the sweetness of the relationship to the detriment of their future. It even somehow make relationship to be some kind of 'bad thing' in way. While I must confess that Godly relationship with the opposite sex is such an awesome deal, but that's only if you know how to play the game very well.
If you're in a relationship or planning to begin or even married, then this article is absolutely for you & your fiancée/fiancé. Because I will expose you to six key ways on how to make your relationship wow(amazingly sweet, fruitful, productive and profitable). Therefore, follow me closely as you grasp this wealth of ideas that will skyrocket you and that of your intended spouse to the TOP.
1. Clearly define the purpose of your relationship.
It was late Dr Myles Munroe of blessed memory that says "When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable". In other word if you don't know the purpose of a thing then it becomes certain that you will abuse it. This therefore call for the need to clearly define the purpose of your relationship. Why are you in the relationship you're? What are the values that drive your relationship? There are so many reasons why people enter into relationship with an opposite sex. Some go into relationship for economic reasons. For instance accepting to 'love' a young man or a young lady simply because she/he is financially buoyant- has a lot of money to throw around for you, is economic. That's to say the purpose of such a relationship is simply to satisfy your economic needs. Some people go into relationship on political grounds. For instance, a young man that has political ambition may like to go into relationship with a lady whose father is a well known influential politician. A lot of 'amazing' reasons abound for going into relationship. Some could even be to gain social acceptance. If all your friends are into relationship, you may find out that you need to be in one for you to flow with them. The most tragic one is the one predicated on satisfying sexual needs. In my humble opinion, the leading purpose of any relationship should be to marry. Going into relationship on economic, political, social or sexual reasons will be disastrous because ones such desire is fulfilled, the relationship is likely to brake off. But relationship on the ground of wanting to marry is good because marriage itself is a life long journey. At this point, I must say that you need not go into any intimate relationship with the opposite sex so long as you're not ready to marry. A students in secondary school or in his early university or collage days has no need for dating/courtship. All he/she direly need is to focus on attaining academic excellence & developing sound relationship with God first.
2. Control the frequency of your communication.
As I made mentioned from the introduction, it's always nice talking to an opposite sex, particularly the one you love. The necessity for having a smooth regular communication can therefore never be overemphasized. However, this must be regulated. It isn't uncommon to find young people spending nights chatting with their boy friend/girl friend. Some don't even have time for any relevant or productive activity other than talking/chatting with their 'love'. In the mornings, afternoons, nights & in fact every time is OK for them to communicate in as much as there is air time or data in their mobile phones. Tragically sometimes this happen even in worship centers like Churches & other fellowship gatherings. It's very common to find some chatting with their 'love' when lecture/class in going on. Having no concern on whether they understand what their teachers, or pastors are teaching or not. Our mobile service providers 'made' this worse by providing some bonazas on calls & data.
At this point I must say that, if you want to have a fruitful relationship you have to limit the frequency of your communications. For instance you could collectively decide that you will be communicating daily within the limit of one to two hours & be disciplined enough to abide by it. Failure to this may land your relationship into the den of poverty, life failure & destruction. Limiting how much you communicate will help to make you desire each other more, let you have adequate time for your personal development, be it academically, financially, spiritually & any otherwise.
3. Developing your individual self.
To enjoy a fruitful relationship, you must individually work at developing yourselves. What happens in courtship or dating relationship & indeed any kind of relationship is separate individuals coming together to share their experiences, gifts, talents, knowledge & resources . The quality of your relationship therefore is the reflection of the quality of your individual lives. As in the word of a relationship expert "God has sent you — your faith, your gifts, and your experience — into other believers’ lives for their good". That's is to say your entire life is sent to another person to make him better. A person that's struggle with sins like lust, mastubation, prayerlessness, stealing etc & academic or business failure is likely to inject such virus to his partner. If the activities that characterize your relationship is too casual or even sinful, that simply explain your lives at an individual level. But if you develop yourself in personal prayers, Bible studies, general studies, business, academics & your general relationship with people such will naturally showcase in your courtship/dating. If you have love, respect & value for people generally, you're likely to do same to your spouse. If you're impatient as a person you're likely to be impatient in your relationship. If you're a failed person in life you're like to have a failed relationship. Therefore work at developing yourself.
4. Have a balance between romance & other self development activities.
Romance is inarguably crucial in dating/courtship. But certainly relationship must not be rooted on romance. Learn to inculcate other activities that will enhance your lives such as praying&fasting together, studying Bible and other inspirational books together & where possible invest in business together. This will build in you similar thought pattern and general world view. You will begin to think & act in the same direction. You will be having less arguments & disagreement because you're building your minds, spirits, souls & bodies together. You could decide for instance to be reading at least two books in a month together, pray & fast ones & twice in a month regularly etc. I must however state that all these are easier said than done. It requires a lot of discipline. If you base your relationship on romance you will definitely discover by the time you marry that, you need more than romance to keep the marriage going healthy. I must say here that, you need to heavily invest in knowledge acquisition together. Though this may not be that easy but is really very sweet. My fiancée & I for instance have benefit so much on this. Recently we studied a book titled "The Power & Purpose of Love & Marriage". It was too fantastic reading & discussing the book together.
5. Set a boundary for your action & inaction
Don't accept to be doing just anything your heart so desired in the relationship. You have to set limits. Should you entertain kissing, hugging, caressing, sex, etc? You have to clearly define what to do & not do. Following the precepts of God as written in His word will be a good guide on this.
"Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1Thes. 5:22
Anything that is evil or look like evil you must desist from it. Sex & caressing for instance should be a no go area. "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality..." (Eph. 5:3).
Kissing in it own self isn't a sin but it could lead you to sin. So you have to decide whether you will permit kissing or not. Asides studying Gods word, seeking for counsel from godly & matured people could help a lot.
6. Discuss your life purpose/future ambition together.
Discussing your life purpose and or future ambition will also help you have a fruitful, productive & effective relationship. This you will do by helping yourself with advice on how to achieve them.
Written by:
UMAR Philip
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